You know the one. The dumb joke you chuckled at that now just comes out unbidden at random times.
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“Round of applause for Sean Lock everyone, he had a great carreer with many years in the industry, but then he brought back the Nazis”
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Spoiler
Where you left it
Why was the sand wet?
The sea weed.
What do you call a hen that counts her own eggs? A mathemachicken.
Thank you, made me chuckle
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst!
There was an intentionally bad discovery channel commercial with some Mexicans dressed up as meteors entering earths atmosphere and burning up. Deadpan delivering “aaaahhhhh. The atmospheeeeere. Aaahhhhh”
That just pops into my head every so often. Me and my best friend thought it was hilarious back in the 90’s. Cause it was.
One of my old coworkers at a previous job, I forget the exact context, but when he was asked to do something:
“Hey [Name], can you get this done?”
“Can the Pope’s dick fit through a donut?”
“… I don’t know?”
“Exactly 😎 👉 👉”
(The original is in swedish, so this is obviously translated)
Let’s see said the blind man to the deaf man
In English, we have something similar:
“‘I see,’ said the blind man to his deaf friend.”
Isn’t the next line usually: “And then he picked up his hammer and saw”
“What’s brown and sticky?”
“A stick.”
This one’s been doing the rounds in my family for as long as I can remember.
There’s a Winnie the Pooh episode where the characters are playing on Christopher Robin’s train set and the episode turns into a parody of a stereotypical Western with a train robbery and a Western town with a saloon and jail and all that.
In one scene they’re on the train and one character (I think Pooh, but it might be Piglet) appears out of nowhere. Another character questions his sudden, impossible appearance on a moving train in the middle of the desert and and Pooh/Piglet responds “it’s a fantasy”
I don’t know why that dumb joke stuck in my head, but sometimes when life gets to be too much I randomly think “it’s a fantasy” and things don’t really matter anymore or have to make sense.
Thanks to xkcd, whenever someone says “blank-ass blank” I mentally move the hyphen over, and depending on the person, if they say “that’s a big-ass ball” I’ll ask them “what’s an ass-ball? And why is it big?”
I do this one too!
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies
Homer Simpson thinking to himself:
“Aww, $20? I wanted a peanut.”
“$20 can buy many peanuts.”
“Explain how.”
“Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
I think at least one part of this exchange to myself almost every time I buy anything.
You might say he’s barking up the wrong bush.
My favorite Homer quote has always been
“Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?”
My wife and I quote this so often!
“Supplise!”
Its from this dumb racist joke I heard as a kid:
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”
To the Scotsman he says, “You’re in charge of shovelling.”
And to the Chinese man he says, “You’re in charge of supplies.”
So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, “Why didn’t you sweep any of it?”
He replies “I no hava no broom, you saida to the Chinese guy that he wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.”
The foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, “And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.”
He replied, “Aye, ye did lad, bit ah couldnae git masel’ a shuvl! Ye left thon wee Chinese mannie in chairge of supplies, bit ah couldnae fin’ him onywhar.”
The foreman is really pissed off now and storms off towards the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. As he approaches the mound, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the sand and yells…
“SUPPLISE!”
30 years later my partner and mother of my 2 children is Asian. Despite her best efforts her English is not great. We are a bilingual household, and this type of silly mis-spoken word thing comes up a lot.
Every time I read the word “supplies”, like yesterday my printer alerted me that I need to order supplies, I have a little chuckle imagining an Asian guy jumping out and surprising me.
Its lame. Its based on a racist stereotype. I dont make fun of people with language difficulties. But I will always find this joke worth a chuckle.
Don’t beat yourself over it, the joke is hilarious. I think transgressive jokes require you to be really careful about your audience to:
- Not hurt or offend a member of a vulnerable population
- Not reinforce harmful stereotypes in people too dumb to tell jokes from reality
- Not make racists think you approve of their worldview
That usually leaves only the family and closest friends, if you’re lucky. That being said some of those jokes are absolutely excellent, especially those that refer to neutral characteristics, such as an accent.
This reminds me of the classic:
“We’re sinking! We’re sinking!”
“Zis is ze German Coastguard. Vat are you sinking about?”
This was used to great effect in UHF with Weird Al.
So hiding like that would make him a Secret Asian Man? (That misheard song lyric is one that I can’t forget.)
“FIRMLY GRASP IT!” Patrick stabs injured Squidward with jellyfish net handle
“East? I thought you said Weast” “That’s west, Patrick”
Patrick scraping the floor with upside down broom Krusty Krab customer: “Did you just blow in from stupid town?”
(From Spongebob and scenes where characters just randomly explode)
Bojack Horseman explaining to Princess Caroline that he can express feelings cuts to Bojack putting his hand over a fire on the stove “Nothing on the outside, nothing on the inside”
