So I’ve been thinking about how unhinged I’ve been over the past several months around employment and society, and I’m wondering if I’m having a trauma reaction from all the bad times I’ve had with employment.

I’ve been fired from I’d say half the jobs I’ve ever had. In my chosen field and trained field, I have never once had a job I looked forward to going to. My last job experience was really, really, horrible, despite having an advanced degree and a language skill, I was kept making coffee because I didn’t cajole and get along with the power structure and made the mistake of publically criticizing.

It’s hard for me to even write about without getting upset, yet, if I want to make a living, I have to keep applying to these jobs for which I keep bombing the interview, for which, if I ever get the job, I will probably have to deal with unethical egotistical backstabbing morons every day until I get fired or rage quit (like the last job).

In the meantime, I can’t go to therapy, because therapy is the field I’m in and I’d estimate the percentage of therapists who can actually talk to me without immediately getting defensive is about 1%, which throws me back to the Daniel Mackler quote, “It is easier to become a good therapist than to find one,” which leads me here because I’m wondering what:

a) experiences y’all have had for autistic burnout and
b) anything you tried to help you through it and
c) any resources you’d find helpful.

I also think that I’m sour on employment specifically because it is basically the ony time I’m forced to interact with people on a regular basis, which makes me think autism might be the key to this current trauma. I’ve tried socializing in meetups and other venues, and it always fizzled, but it never ends horribly the way work does.

  • kopasz7@sh.itjust.works
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    11 days ago

    I heard something akin to most people who studied psychology did so to get an understanding of themselves or why they don’t fit in. Not sure how ture it is, sounds reasonable, but it leads to dealing with a lot of people and their people problems.

    I know I need predictability so the less people the better. They also better be similarly minded, I don’t fancy having to be an unpaid actor on top of my job, hell no.

    Working fully remotely was the best change to work conditions, but RTO is sadly spreading like the plague.

    I still burned out at every job I had. At my last place I wanted a change so I deliberately worked slow and borderline quiet quit. Still burned out, and felt like an impostor or conman to top it off. I can hardly describe the joy when my contract ended, I was riding that high for a week.

    My next idea is to start my own business. The reason being is I need not just predictability but also autonomy. I can’t stand working on something I don’t agree with. It is artificial and forced. Fuck that.

    • schipelblorp@sh.itjust.worksOP
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      11 days ago

      But starting your own business involves a big component of selling yourself which I find really distasteful.

      I remember job interviews where I presented my qualifications, and we each asked our questions, and then… the guy just wanted to sit and make small talk until I bailed. Surprise: didn’t get the job.

      I imagine every consultation with a client going like that.

      • MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net
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        10 days ago

        But starting your own business involves a big component of selling yourself which I find really distasteful.

        It took me a while to be able to verbalize this but once I did it made my internal repulsion make so much more sense. Why yes, I could make just as much money, working less, by being a consultant. But I’d have to be constantly selling myself, on top of not knowing where next month’s rent was coming from. In what universe am I supposed to find that appealing???

        • schipelblorp@sh.itjust.worksOP
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          10 days ago

          If you have stable customers and a good reremovedtion, that’s probably more reliable than employment these days.

          Of course, insurance and taxes will fuck you over.

      • kopasz7@sh.itjust.works
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        10 days ago

        The point I’m trying to make is to align the incentives of the job and myself. A good cause I can stand behind or something I would already do otherwise. Being your own boss means you can choose your customers (who you deal with) more easily than an emplyee. I don’t need to please everyone and I damn well won’t be.

        Selling yourself is discarding your principles. I’m in IT so my insight is limited to your situation, but why don’t you only consult people you can deal with? One of my friend’s wife is the breadwinner of their household and she does couple consultation online. She found her niche and builds her business that way she likes.

        • schipelblorp@sh.itjust.worksOP
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          10 days ago

          I had a GF who was amazing photographer. The only real way to make money was weddings, and weddings were a high-cost event that was an absolute GAUNTLET of schmoozing with at least the bride but often the groom as well. And you’d have to do that for every single wedding.

          There was absolutely no fucking way I’d have gotten through that.

          But if you have a technical skill, it’s easy enough to define and maybe even demonstrate, and maybe the people interested in you are also on the spectrum or just care about the output, and maybe there’s regular repeat business which makes winning a client a worthwhile endeavor…

          That is to say, the sales component can vary.