No, its the other way. The duck penis is shaped like a corkscrew. But it also has a barb at the end, so when it pulls out, it rips open the female ducks genitals.

The best word to describe duck sex is…horrific. Truely the stuff of nightmares. If you’re ever in a meadow, and a giant duck penis starts chasing you? You need a gun. That would put me in therapy.

I remember one conversation when I was about eight and some older kid telling us that the number of thrusts you made when you had sex was the number of children you would have. And for the longest time I believed that.

…soooooooo, you thought the default number of thrusts that 99% of men could accomplish was…one thrust?

And twins was when the guy made two whole thrusts?

Ok, lets forget sex, forget the internet, forget all of that. I think this is just reason we need to teach all kids critical thinking skills.

My parents got mad at me, because I asked my mom if inflation affected the tooth fairy. When she asked what I was talking about, I told her my two sisters only got 50 cents when they were kids. They’re 10 and 12 years older than me.

I was getting 1 dollar. And when I was trying to figure out why they got 50 cents, but I got a dollar, I remembered my dad always bitching about inflation. It made logical sense.

If you’re willing to accept the concept of selling your teeth to an unknown fairy, but notice a discrepency in pay, but also notice a 10 year gap, with your dad saying that inflation will kill your money over 10 years…then it’s logical to assume the tooth fairy corporation was affected by inflation,and had to start paying more for teeth, or else the kids wouldn’t sell them.

Then my sister told me it was actually the gender wage gap. And so I had to go ask my dad, at age 5, if I’m more valueable than my sisters, just because I have a penis. His response was “Yeah. Obviously.”

Mom was not happy with that reaction. You’ll not be surprised to know my mom eventually left my dad. I’m not saying it was over this incident, but this incident kind of helps paint a picture to help you understand why my mom didn’t want to be with my dad anymore.

So then I got put in catholic school, and without knowing what sex was, began to ask the church if Mary had baby Jesus, through God, so God is the father, why wasn’t Peter pissed that his wife was having a baby with another man? My friends parents split up, because she had a baby from another man. Logically I thought Peter should have been pissed, but he wasn’t. So I asked why.

I got told to go to the principals office for being disrespectful.

Whoa whoa whoa! Hol up a minute!

TWELVE CATS???

Ok…ok, lets just settle down. I’m going to tell you what I told my ex girlfriend when we first moved in together, and she wanted to know if we should get a cat.

I said:

"Yes, obviously we’re going to adopt a cat. But here’s how it goes on the scale of how to adopt…

0 cats? You need a cat in your life.

1 cat? Your cat needs a friend.

2 cats? Yes. This is the perfect number of cats. You can stop adopting now.

3 cats? It’s a bit much, and you’re pushing the boundries of what’s acceptable, but still within the legal levels of still sane. Just don’t get anymore cats.

4 cats? That’s simply too many cats. Why do you need 4 cats? You can’t pet 4 cats at once. You’re not Ganesha the hindu god, or Goro the Mortal Kombat boss who hasn’t been defeated in 500 years.

5 cats? WHAT??? You got ANOTHER cat???

6 cats??? DUDE!!! STOP ADOPTING CATS!!!

7 cats? WHAT THE HELL???

8 cats? Ya know what? You’re officially a crazy cat lady. Theres no reason to have 8 cats unless you’re filming a reality show like big brother, except instead of humans it’s 8 cats living together.

9 cats??? What is wrong with you??? You have a problem!!!

10 cats??? This is unheard of!!! Double digits??? STOP COLLECTING CATS!!! THEY AREN’T FUNKO POPS!

11 cats??? Now I’m just under the assumption that these cats have kidnapped your family, and are holding them hostage at gunpoint. The only way they’ll release your family is if you adopt all the cats from all the kill shelters.

12 cats??? At this point I’ve called social services. I’m fairly sure you have dementia, and just go adopt a new cat every day. They probably greet you by name when you come in. “Oh, hi Mr Thompkins! Good morning! Hows Mr Whiskers doing?” to which you get confused how they know your name. And then when you leave, rumors start swirling that you’re doing mad scientist experiments on cats, trying to create one mega super voltron cat. Which would still only be like 2 feet tall…but logic fell out of this conversation 8 cats ago. Now you just need an aide from the state to help in your assisted living facility.

We’re going to get you the help you need. Everything’s going to be ok…

The state of desperation, based on that price tag…

Or the epstein files?

I don’t know who that is. I’m not actually from NY. I just cheer on mamdani from Ohio.

I feel like you just said the same thing I did, but with more specifics.

I mean, to be fair…

XBox shot them in the foot so many times, they’re practically an amputee brand at this point.

Playstation has become stale and boring.

And Nintendo is price gouging crazy, while not offering ANYTHING of any value to play. Just watch. At some point in Switch 2’s lifespan they’ll try to rerelease a barely remastered version of Super Metroid. They’ll charge $70. Or maybe Link to the Past remastered. $70.

Meanwhile, PC has multiple storefronts. Steam is the heavy hitter obviously. Gog has all the old releases from the 80s/90s/2000s. And Epic has…uhhhh…free games once a week? And not much else? Do you like fortnite? They have fortnite if you’re still into that for some reason.

But between Steam and GOG, you have modern and retro games covered for 40 years of gaming on an increasingly available number of devices. If Steam locked down their games to JUST steam branded devices, it’d be DOA. But because I can run a steam game on any PC that can physically handle the game, it means I can buy a handheld of any type. I might limit myself from some modern games. My Retroid Pocket Flip 2 seems to cap out around 2015. But I’m good with that. The only game I’ve been disappointed in missing out on has been satisfactory. That game seems fun. Maybe I’ll play it in 20 years.

…thats literally half of Lemmy, if not more.

I think what he’s saying is that if a community on lemmy isn’t politics, linux, or animal pictures, you can make a new community all you want. But if nobody visits/posts, is it really a community?

I’m not speaking from knowing any insider info. I’m purely speculating when I say this, yet I’m 100% certain I’m right.

I bet it was easy to do that after decades, if not centuries of corrupt officials in NYC politics hiding corrupt money EVERYWHERE!!!

He probably just came in, and said something like “Wait, why is our water plant being funded for 400k, but this random child day care is being funded for 12 million dollars???”

He probably just came in, cut the obvious corruption, and then suddenly the budget had the funds to do the things it was meant to do.

Orange cat: I am content, and happy, and I know nothing of politics, or how the humans are destroying the world for green paper.

Black cat: I know everything, and vow to enact a scorched earth policy. Your whole species is dead, once my orange cat partner falls asleep. You hear me, human? Dead.

He is a problem. But he’s the face of a bigger problem. But he’s still a problem.

Donvict

I’m stealing that.

I want that grumpy bunny! Gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie!!! I want to snuggle that bunny! Look at the grumpyness that needs to be snuggled out!!!

I’m whats known as a Xennial. Half Gen-X, half Millenial.

Boomers can go fuck themself for electing Reagan before I was born to tell them how wrong they are.

Gen-Z seems pretty alright though. Good to see they hate AI as much as we do.

And I’ve been told that gen alpha isn’t having sex, and it’s pissing off the boomers. Which I find really really weird. Why do the boomers care if a bunch of teenagers fuck?

And at first I thought it was about social security. But even if Gen Alpha fucks right now, today, and has a kid 9 months from now, that kid won’t be paying into social security for 17 years AT THE EARLIEST!!! That’s assuming they get a job the day they turn 16.

Boomers, I need you to understand something. You’re going to die. Thats not a threat, it’s an eventuality. It’s 100% guarenteed. And it’s going to happen pretty quick. It’s already happened for the older end of the boomers, and the ones who didn’t live healthy.

I give it 10 years before the bulk of you are dead. And honestly, I can’t wait. The sooner the boomers are off this planet the better.

And Gen-X has proven to me that just because you’re old, doesn’t mean you HAVE TO act like an entitled twat. Gen X is 50-65 right now, and very rarely do I see that age bracket THESE DAYS yelling at a fast food employee because Arbys discontinued their meat mountain sandwich. Look, I’m disappointed too! If boomers want to give themselves heart attacks, great. Go for it. But don’t yell at Steve working front counter about it! 20 minutes ago he was mopping up the bathroom floor. I PROMISE you, he does not have the sway in arbys corporate culture to discontinue menu items.

Today, I don’t see that with 55 year old Gen-Xers. But 20 years ago, that was a regular occurance with 55 year old boomers.

“Two comments posted in comments section.”

I bet one of them is the line from skyrim about Khajit.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand here we are.

I qualify for a mortgage, but they want to capme out around 100k.

And the houses in this area were built in the 1800s-1930s. So a 100k house is going to have massive repairs needed that you’ll easily spend another 200k on.

Literally every house I’ve been shown has been “well this one needs an all new roof, and foundation” before you even see the property.

The midwest.

“Does this video have boobies?”

“No. It’s youtube.”