Most business people are too stupid to handle paragraphs with more than 2-3 sentences. I’m not joking; I literally have to write emails like this if I want them read.
Yep I have learned to write biz emails in short, pithy sentences, if I want people to actually read and assimilate the info.
I don’t think it’s stupidity (and nothing against stupid co-workers if they’re trying), but they’re just so grindset brained into mental exhaustion that they literally zone out in the middle of a paragraph.
I’ll catch myself doing it on occasion too. If anything it’s worse recently, because I’ll have the nagging thought did they actually write this or am I reading two sentences puffed out into half a page by llm…
Side rant here. I’m working on a project for a new application, after a couple months work I finalised the 150ish requirements, however before approval could be given to approach businesses I had to do some internal box ticking.
I organised this technical meeting with the IT guys to run through all the requirements, tick and flick that everything was fine. It was a 3 hour meeting that I had booked 7 weeks in advance to ensure everyone could attend.
3 weeks before the scheduled date a general manager insists on attending and self-invites. The moment the meeting starts the GM immediately says “they don’t want to read all these requirements” and “don’t you have a presentation?” Followed by “where are the pictures?”.
The entire meeting basically derailed there and we only made it through maybe 50% of what we needed to with zero ticking or flicking. That was 3 weeks ago, the project has almost stalled now and I’m still trying to recover the time/progress/momentum I had.
Fucking managers and their demands to be included and flat out refusal to read.
Functional illiteracy is a thing, pretty sure my last boss fell into this category. Everything had to be a meeting, couldnt do work by email or chat. He had to review and approve my reports, and they would sit for months. I think there was a nine month back log when I left.
I think it all came from web marketing guru funnel-builder-ebook-masterclass-mentor-course types.
And it circlejerked with business types to capitalize on shorter and shorter attention spans.
I was like you. I was a normal guy. And one day I decided to take a guess at where this irritating “writing style” came from…and why it was EVERYWHERE…
…and you won’t believe what I came up with (Or maybe you will, because you’re ultra smart , I can tell just by the way you’re reading this, you’re not like everyone else, you’re special, click the button at the end of this really long pointless babbling)…I think it’s because…
People scroll, and short little paragraphs keep you reading.
In bite-sized little chunks. So you keep scrolling and scrolling waiting for it to get to the point…
…so what are you waiting for? Lame call to action by clicking the button below to get added to my email spam list and an empty ghost town “Master Life Changer” Discord / web forum! Filled to the gills with…
…obvious filler nonsense…for 900 days absolutely risk free…
…I wouldn’t bet my couch and my sister’s angry little chihuahua, Señor Gordito Cabrón if I wasn’t 100% serious about the value in these stupid paragraphs…
If you don’t get any value from this offer, I’ll personally ship that little jerk to Cesar Milan. Just so he learns some respect after stealing my tacos
You can even keep the couch and any change you find in its depths as mygift to you.
I’ll even finally get the sister to therapy, as an Internet marketing family we’ve neglected all the signs and cries for help for far too long.
All you gotta do is keep scrolling until the wheel on your mouse pops out…
…and one day you too can have a Lambo.You deserve it.
Normally, my grift is valued by myself (and nobody else) at an obnoxiously high number that ends in a 7 for some reason…but today is special.
Still here? I knew you were The Chosen One Destined for Greatness .
Time is running out, even though this special offer has been sitting on this static page for months. It’s only like $1234.57$667.97 now. Just for you. (I’m practically giving it away because you’re so cool. I have to sell one of my boats now just to make ends meet. My wife is so upset she’s taking the kids to her mom’s for a few days, but I believe in you THAT MUCH.)
Still not convinced?? That’s understandable. This can continue saying the same gibberish 18 different ways…
…until you’ve read so far clicking the button is basically sunk cost fallacy at this point…
…Ugh that made me physically sick writing like that even as a joke LOL.
EDIT: In some twisted way I’m so proud of this marketer mockery I keep editing it when I think of a way to make it even stupider lol. I’m gonna touch grass soon I swear…
EDIT EDIT: Oh no, it has formatting now. And got increasingly unhinged. What have I done?!
I hope it was at least satirically entertaining and perhaps a touch cathartic! XD
I’m sure you’ve also shared that same experience I have, where you ended up scrolling and scrolling those stupid websites to see what their deal was, even though you knew it was 100% nonsense lol.
Edit: Oh gosh, I had too much fun with it and now it’s 7x as unhinged lmao…
Why do
LinkedIn users write their essays
In this format? Many other platforms
Have the same limitations for character count
Or even lack of rich text formatting
Yet people don’t write like this.
Where did this
Culture come from?
Most business people are too stupid to handle paragraphs with more than 2-3 sentences. I’m not joking; I literally have to write emails like this if I want them read.
Yep I have learned to write biz emails in short, pithy sentences, if I want people to actually read and assimilate the info.
I don’t think it’s stupidity (and nothing against stupid co-workers if they’re trying), but they’re just so grindset brained into mental exhaustion that they literally zone out in the middle of a paragraph.
I’ll catch myself doing it on occasion too. If anything it’s worse recently, because I’ll have the nagging thought did they actually write this or am I reading two sentences puffed out into half a page by llm…
Side rant here. I’m working on a project for a new application, after a couple months work I finalised the 150ish requirements, however before approval could be given to approach businesses I had to do some internal box ticking.
I organised this technical meeting with the IT guys to run through all the requirements, tick and flick that everything was fine. It was a 3 hour meeting that I had booked 7 weeks in advance to ensure everyone could attend.
3 weeks before the scheduled date a general manager insists on attending and self-invites. The moment the meeting starts the GM immediately says “they don’t want to read all these requirements” and “don’t you have a presentation?” Followed by “where are the pictures?”.
The entire meeting basically derailed there and we only made it through maybe 50% of what we needed to with zero ticking or flicking. That was 3 weeks ago, the project has almost stalled now and I’m still trying to recover the time/progress/momentum I had.
Fucking managers and their demands to be included and flat out refusal to read.
Too long paragraphs, didn’t read.
Functional illiteracy is a thing, pretty sure my last boss fell into this category. Everything had to be a meeting, couldnt do work by email or chat. He had to review and approve my reports, and they would sit for months. I think there was a nine month back log when I left.
Holy crapoli, the memories this triggers. Suffice to say I am soooooo glad to be retired.
I’m on a 12 month contract at the moment but the company just advertised 8 permanent jobs at my level. I’m passing on submitting an application.
I’m pretty sure…
You’re not gonna believe this but…
I think it all came from web marketing guru funnel-builder-ebook-masterclass-mentor-course types.
And it circlejerked with business types to capitalize on shorter and shorter attention spans.
I was like you. I was a normal guy. And one day I decided to take a guess at where this irritating “writing style” came from…and why it was EVERYWHERE…
…and you won’t believe what I came up with (Or maybe you will, because you’re ultra smart , I can tell just by the way you’re reading this, you’re not like everyone else, you’re special, click the button at the end of this really long pointless babbling)…I think it’s because…
People scroll, and short little paragraphs keep you reading.
In bite-sized little chunks. So you keep scrolling and scrolling waiting for it to get to the point…
…so what are you waiting for? Lame call to action by clicking the button below to get added to my email spam list and an empty ghost town “Master Life Changer” Discord / web forum! Filled to the gills with…
…obvious filler nonsense…for 900 days absolutely risk free…
…I wouldn’t bet my couch and my sister’s angry little chihuahua, Señor Gordito Cabrón if I wasn’t 100% serious about the value in these stupid paragraphs…
If you don’t get any value from this offer, I’ll personally ship that little jerk to Cesar Milan. Just so he learns some respect after stealing my tacos
You can even keep the couch and any change you find in its depths as mygift to you.
I’ll even finally get the sister to therapy, as an Internet marketing family we’ve neglected all the signs and cries for help for far too long.All you gotta do is keep scrolling until the wheel on your mouse pops out…
…and one day you too can have a Lambo. You deserve it.
Normally, my grift is valued by myself (and nobody else) at an obnoxiously high number that ends in a 7 for some reason…but today is special.
Still here? I knew you were The Chosen One Destined for Greatness .
Time is running out, even though this special offer has been sitting on this static page for months. It’s only like
$1234.57$667.97 now. Just for you. (I’m practically giving it away because you’re so cool. I have to sell one of my boats now just to make ends meet. My wife is so upset she’s taking the kids to her mom’s for a few days, but I believe in you THAT MUCH.)Still not convinced?? That’s understandable. This can continue saying the same gibberish 18 different ways…
…until you’ve read so far clicking the button is basically sunk cost fallacy at this point…
…Ugh that made me physically sick writing like that even as a joke LOL.
EDIT: In some twisted way I’m so proud of this marketer mockery I keep editing it when I think of a way to make it even stupider lol. I’m gonna touch grass soon I swear…
EDIT EDIT: Oh no, it has formatting now. And got increasingly unhinged. What have I done?!
Bravo. A masterpiece.
Good god this is so fucking draining
Isn’t it insufferable? Agh!
I hope my version was at least sorta funny while making the point and highlighting a lot of those stupid tricks they use.
Absolutely, yes, it was good satire. Please, don’t do it again
I guess it works too, I just read that.
I hope it was at least satirically entertaining and perhaps a touch cathartic! XD
I’m sure you’ve also shared that same experience I have, where you ended up scrolling and scrolling those stupid websites to see what their deal was, even though you knew it was 100% nonsense lol.
Edit: Oh gosh, I had too much fun with it and now it’s 7x as unhinged lmao…
Assholes thinking their garbage thoughts are poetry
Not too lazy to make it readable