I’ve been off work in April. I’d been struggling to do anything, even the simplest of tasks and eventually everything ground to a halt. It’s usually pretty bad during winter times, but some years it’s particularly horrible. I was diagnosed initially as Bipolar Type 2 as the issue seemed to be a cycle of long downs and ups. Then I got an ADHD diagnosis and the medication helped with the ‘brain fog’. But it didn’t solve everything. After awhile the task initiation problem always reappears. My doctors often say it’s depression and increase the anti-depressant medication I’m on. Sometimes you get a temporary bump in activity a few weeks later but it never really goes away for good.
A recent trip to the northern summer where my symptoms mostly alleviated suggested it’s likely a co-morbidity between Seasonal Affective Disorder and ADHD. I’ve started light therapy which is helping a little, but I still feel stuck.
The attached image is my ‘model’ for how I function. Currently, at the start of Spring, I feel the same as I did late April when I left work. This makes sense accordingly to the model. But it feels like the uptake in energy during the summer is masking this task initiation problem rather than being a ‘cure’ for it. Every time the energy dips below normal it reveals how much I’m struggling.
I’m sick of this. I just want to go back to work. Summers are great – I go running, eat healthy, get creative, fix up the house. Every other season is rubbish.
This is more of a rant than anything else, but any advice would be appreciated. Other than saying ‘just start small and do the task’ that is. I’ve been given that advice way too many times to no effect.
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summer is when I become sweaty, lethargic and upsetti.
I just wanna be productive and live in a fridge.
Right? Spring is where it’s at for me.
Mine is night time.
But it’s more like late evening when I become motivated.
That summer high energy curve tells me you must live somewhere without much humidity.
Exactly. I’m completely the opposite. I get home from work in the summer and just fucking collapse until it’s time for work again. The heat is exhausting. At least when it’s -15F in the winter I can come inside, warm up, and not be completely dead. But in the summer there is no escaping a dewpoint of 85F.
I’m definitely in a climate of dry summers, and if a genetic component is relevant, most of my family is from the north of Europe where having high energy during summer harvest, and ‘hibernating’ while snowed in during winter would make sense (thats just a theory though). There is a noted ‘reverse SAD’ where people feel more energetic in Winter, and I can see that being in response to different climates where humidity or weather factors would restrict activity in the summer months. But I suspect too that it could be more random than that - purely individual as to how people respond, and the extremes as to what the affect is.
Are you taking a good Vitamin D supplement? I don’t cope in winter without it.
pretty sure this is the move.
I am, but it doesn’t seem to be yielding significant results. I’m sure it’s helping a little but it’s not the full piece of the puzzle.
I do wonder if this is just your natural cycle. It makes sense that you’re active in the Summer when life is abundant and easier while in Winter life dies/hides and you too find it harder.
In our modern world it’s easy to feel like you have to be productive all the time. The system tells us to reach for medication to ‘fix’ things and feel ‘normal’. Don’t get me wrong, medication can be wonderful and it’s fair to want more from your life. But idk, we’re animals and so we are affected by the changing seasons.
Vitamin D and a Winter holiday to somewhere sunny are good suggestions. I live somewhere with intense Summer/Winter seasons too and life is just harder in the cold and dark. More rest and being kinder to yourself i hope would help. What would it take to not feel like you’re struggling when your energy is low?
Thank you, I really appreciate this post. I think it makes a lot of sense historically to be highly energetic during the summer months and slow in the winter. Summers were harvest season, and you needed to work at a high capacity to ensure everything was ready for winter. In winter however, you had to go to ground and rest. If you maintained that same array of energy while cooped up indoors it would have been relentless for everyone else around. It’s possible that we need to rest because of the high energy swings too (as in we seasonally ‘burn out’), which, like some studies suggest, if you treat SAD as an extension of Bipolar makes sense - it’s often noted that the ‘lows’ of bipolar are as intense as the ‘highs’ during mania and are likely in response to that.
The anarchist in me agrees with you thoroughly. It’s not possible to be energetic and productive all the time like the modern world requires. This being said, it’s hard seeing other people go running, keep a clean house, progress their careers etc. like it’s nothing. Not saying they don’t work hard or it isn’t difficult, its more they seem to have the strength to get over the hurdles of resistance.
I take Vitamin D supplements, but I think it might only be giving me a 2% boost at most (if at all). While there’s some studies that say it’s a cooperative agent for improving SAD, others seem to say it has no affect. As far as I’m concerned it can’t hurt to take them however, and a potential 2% boost is better than nothing.
I had a tough night sleep last night, my worst for awhile, but my wife got me moving this morning and with some kind words it helped me feel a little better. I think just taking the time to find the fixes that work is important. I’m frustrated, but you’re right, I do have to be kind to myself and wait until it all comes together.
In terms of not struggling, the goal is just to rise above the simple tasks. If I can’t do those, I can’t work, let alone function. It will get better with the seasonal change, but I think I need a more permanent fix. I suspect that it’ll be a medication change, as it doesn’t seem to respond to therapy, and the seasonal change just seems to reveal and mask the problem, like the tide going out revealing rocks on the shore. There was a post here a month back about the switch from Vyvanse to Adderall improved task initiation dramatically, which they hypothesised was due to the differing chemical make up increasing Norepinephrine release. Adderall is sadly not available in my country however, and my doctors seem reluctant to switch me over from Ritalin to an alternative (which might be wise? Who knows.) I’m not sure if there’s anything that affects Norepinephrine like Adderall thats not also amphetamine based either. Its for my psychiatrist to figure out however, I can only make suggestions.
But yeah, it’ll take time. I just have to go through the process until we find the solution.
I joke I’m solar-powered. Light therapy just gives me a shorter boost of (vaguely manic) energy, like drinking a bit too much coffee (I’m thinking about less light for longer). But having 12+ hrs instead of 8hrs makes all the difference - I stop taking my stimulants and still get most things done. Having the pressure to get my workouts done before the sun makes it impossible also helps set up my day. If I don’t have that pressure, I get caught in executive disfunction.
Interesting post, I can definitely relate to this - the more sun the more time I have to be energetic which allows for more activity. Interesting you mention exercise - it’s meant to be important, but it’s hard to rise over the hurdle to get started.
I know it’s easier said than done, but have you considered moving where summers are longer? Might be worth uprooting for
On the other hand, here where summers are shorter, summer days are much longer.
Personally what would work for me is having an extra home in the southern hemisphere but even if I could afford it, I couldn’t uproot twice a year anymore.
Do you think it’s a light problem? I had a sun light for a while and it did wonders. Now I have a gradual activation light that mimics sunrise to wake me up in the morning and it’s also really good to wake up rested and motivated (but not as good as the sun light)
There’s more than just light, but that’s definitely part of the problem. I’ve been putting off getting one of those lights but I’m gonna need it in about a month or two when mornings get super dark. Do you have a link for either of the lights you’ve used?
But for me it’s also the general weather, from oct to march it’s just… muddy. Like a nice snowy winter is less depressing, but when it’s muddy and cold, but not freezing, it really sucks.
I’m sorry, for both it was a while ago. The gradual activation one is a configured Philips light bulb, I think.
I have moved quite a bit and I can tell you: moving south has been absolutely amazing for my mental health! I loved everything about my life in the north, except the weather and the winter and the short days and… there is just no fixing. I now live a bit souther and loving it.
@Eq0@literature.cafe I definitely have considered moving to the north of where I live, which luckily has longer days and a nicer climate. My wife and I have been looking at work/houses already, but it’s a complicated move, and requires a lot of consideration first. Ideally we would spend half a year somewhere warmer and half a year where we currently are, but that’s not practical without finances which we definitely don’t have access to.
@boonhet@sopuli.xyz I’ve been using the Luminette 3 glasses, as anecdotally they seemed to get the best results from the SAD community. Logically being able to maintain the position of the light consistently and go about your morning while wearing them is a plus. I am noticing a definite improvement in energy and mood, but sometimes that just makes the other problems around you more evident (though being able to see the problems is important).
Looks rough, but also seems wonderfully predictable
The predictability is honestly unbearable at times - like I’d rather be down all the time or up all the time. Knowing your full potential and not being able to get their is extremely frustrating.
