I was talking with someone today and realized I did something I do quite often that might be a trait that gets me into trouble: I boldly state my preference for (or against) something.
In this case, it was being tired of classic rock from a lifetime of overexposure. I think I offended the person, but saved it by clarifying that I’m mostly tired that there is a play list of seemingly 100-songs that have been in continual rotation for 50 years.
Anyway, it occurs to me that I’m just stating my preferences and I personally thing that’s fine and normal, but that people get personally offended if you don’t like what they like; which makes no sense to me. It’s like if you don’t like bland food, I’m not going to get offended because I can’t handle anything hotter than black pepper. It doesn’t ultimately mean anything significant.
Thoughts, ideas, suggestions?
In a conversation where we are talking about our respective preferences, I wouldn’t find such a comment offputting. Outside that context, I might wonder what you want me to do with that information. And especially when such a comment seems to come out of nowhere, it can come across as entitled or selfish in the “I’m the main character” vein.
If you can state your preference without intending to declare it superior to my preference, then I find little to criticize about it. If you don’t intend to imply that my liking what you dislike is somehow wrong, then I don’t mind.
Stating this kind of preference boldly could be interpreted as trying to be authoritative on the subject, and especially in matters of taste, your opinion is no more valid than anyone else’s, nor is it any more important. You might not intend it that way, but I could easily imagine a listener interpreting you that way.
To answer your question more directly, stating a preference somewhat tentatively or meekly can convey an appropriate amount of humility. That tends to make it safer. As with most of these situations, the more your listeners already trust you, the more boldness you can safely get away with.
I hope this helps you somehow. Peace.
Yes, I meant boldly as in baldly, as in plainly, not as in authoritatively–it is just my personal preference.
Among people who trust you, I would expect no problems. Among those who don’t (yet), I would expect a variety of interpretations, ranging from “That’s just their opinion” to “They seem to think their opinion is the only one that matters!” and “I guess since I like it and they don’t, they look down on me”.
Folks routinely conflate directness with self-importance, even though I value directness for its clarity. They often see directness as self-assuredness, then mistake that for self-importance or self-absorption. 🤷
If you are a man, please consider that you may be saying things authoritatively “by default” or without meaning to. Society teaches all of us to subconsciously give more weight to what men say, especially if they say it with any confidence.
I’m aware of this dynamic, but what do you want me to do about it? I do leave room for other people to talk, especially a woman who gets talked over.