I’m going Orange. I feel like all of the others would naturally follow.
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Obviously I’m teleporting to Albania.
If I could teleport other people into a Tool music video, this wins hands down.
The black teleport one. You rob a bank and then teleport away so you can’t be tracked? The means of escape is usually how they track you down. So, suddenly being able to teleport thousands of miles in a moment?
Also, it’d be really useful for interstellar stuff. You only need enough fuel, food, and air to go one way. Strap me onto the rocket to Mars! I’d even hop back with huge sacks of Mars rocks to give to NASA. We’ve figured out the trek to Mars, its the getting back that’s been the problem.
Red, can I also change each eye to a different colour?
Sure, why not, go crazy.
The Cantonese speaking dog is pretty cool. I like the Albania teleporting till I realized I need to get out of Albania
Uhmmmm can I also teleport back from Albania? If so, then sure. I hate travelling so I never really go far, being able to go to Albania and back at the blink of an eye would be chill. Going for a nice lunch walk and then teleport back. Otherwise I’ll go with the eye colour I guess, the rest is useless.
Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but it’s a one way ticket?
Red. My eye colour already changes randomly, although less often and more subtly than it did when I was younger.
I’d love to be able to control it and confuse people.
Eye color. Though the five dollarydoos are tempting.
I can get a dog I can talk to with a translator app? Hell yeah
Right?I will learn Cantonese to be able to talk to my dog.
Your dogs says: Bow wow wow yippie yay yippie yo.
Now that I think about it, Im the spare human. They would just speak to me like if they were the protagonists in a 1970’s Kung Fu movie and Im Pai Mie. “Filthy Ape! Once I defeat you, I will sleep next to mother, and you will sleep in hell! I would also like to be let out…”
DOG. Always dogs. More dogs. I want to pet all the dog.
australians rise up
Black one for sure. You could get away with some amazing heists/pranks/achievements.
And they’ll be waiting for you in Tarana Albania, every time.
Everywhere? The first thing I would do is take a 3 month vacation and scout the entire city.
Best chances are to bribe the politicians and police, then you can get away with a lot.
Showing up with armfuls of bribes each time should help.
Staying anonymous would be the best way though, especially if your goings try it more than once.
Nobody said your stuff teleports. Just you. Don’t be greedy.
That goes for clothes too. So you arrive nude.
If you have the confidence to pull it off, you’ll get the party started every single time.
It didn’t say that anywhere. Next thing is that the dog doesn’t actually speak Cantonese but only understands it.
This is like the inverse of the trope of genies twisting your wish around.
His barks are the equivalent of the barks of a actual dog in Cantonese speaking regions.
Speaks Cantonese, but the “dog accent” is so thick that nobody can understand
Spawn camping
You get a 5 second invulnerability when you spawn though, so just start blastin
Only if they knew that’s where I went
get an apartment closest to the teleport place, travelling is now cheaper as you never have to worry about the way back.
The teleport place is Tirana, Albania. Nobody said the same spot in Tirana, Albania every time. Your real estate investment was rash and very rarely saves you time. But it does increase in value a tiny bit, so eh you’re fine.
still useful for international travel, no need to get a return ticket.
You wouldn’t need a parachute to go skydiving either. Just teleport yourself before you hit the ground.
Unless your momentum doesn’t reset.
Can’t you just keep teleporting till you’re close enough to your home?
Good point. Though it might be taxing on your body?
I think they’d catch on to me after I got flagged 5 times in one year leaving Albania with no record of entering the country in between.
Albania will probably join the eu in 2030. Wait 5 years, then simply live somewhere in the eu, maybe even do most of your crimes in the eu, and you won’t ever run into border checks.
Red.
Simply say “oh, its a full moon tonight?” Then look at them with your now piercingly red eyes and state “I must leave, immediately.”
Get out of any social situation and you can get your friends to think you’re hiding some big secret. Win win.
Or “don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” while turning your eyes green
“but I like big strong angry and mysterious guys uwu”
“well this has backfired”
Why bother if you could simply teleport to Tirana and back afterwards ?
There’s no “and back” included
Oh, shit. Good catch. I almost died.
Happy to help, Happened to me already. Monkey’s paw -ass meme
I do love how many problems this solves. Very nearly all of them, potentially.
And teleport back back, right?
… Right?
I didn’t take it that way. It’s still super useful. Bribe their government to not say shit and try to keep a low profile. I don’t know how fucked your passport would look though…
Bribe em a little more and you’ll just be a frequent flyer
Bribe em to get into Schengen.
Unless you already live in the Schengen area, then if Albania ever joins the EU as it is talking about doing right now…
Then you can be a package business on your own. “Anything from anywhere to Tirana”
One time I was in Spain and I found 5 Australian dollars on the floor in a train station. I picked it up and pocketed it. The same day, I climbed a bell tower in some museum/remains and was chilling up there for half an hour, without anybody else coming up. Eventually another person came up and said hi. Recognised they were Australian so I asked them if they wanted 5 dollars and they said “…yeah?” And I gave it to them. No explanation.
I laugh sometimes thinking of the story from their perspective, climbing a Spanish bell tower and meeting an English guy at the top who hands them 5AUD, like a NPC in an RPG.
